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So far on the path to freedom, we have looked at the overall path and have started to tune in on the “Unstable Victor.”  This is, by far, the longest stage of recovery, filled with failures, frustrations and confusion (couldn’t think of an ‘f’ word there).  It is in this stage that most women get stuck.  We get tired of being here because it really feels like we are spinning our tires, so to speak.  It is two steps forward, three steps back, and many of cannot understand what is going on in our own hearts and minds enough to be able to make sense of it all.

All the more reason why we are going to say it.  Say it with me.


I know.  About ten years ago I would have stopped reading right there.  I might have even chucked the book across the room.  I would recommend not doing that to your computer at this moment.  I would have been ticked.  In the battle of my mind there would have been mentioned something about not needing anyone but God and that I shouldn’t air my dirty laundry and that no one else could help me any more than I could help myself, etc, etc, etc.

No one likes accountability.  That’s a given.  Very few of us take pride in our failures.  If I’m doing great, well then, please, by all means, ask me, but true accountability– in which I am honest with you about what is going on in my life– hurts.  Don’t tell me that I have to willingly subject myself to that kind of pain.  That’s just stupid.

But, accountability is such a crucial step in our road to recovery– why?  Because it gives you another set of eyes.

In case you had not noticed, your judgement might be a tad bit flawed.  You are not exactly making the right choices, even though you really really want to, and you really really can’t figure out why you are making the wrong choices.  Then you keep reading your Bible and trying really really hard to figure out what’s wrong, but you really really can’t.  But you really really don’t want to tell anybody, but you really really need to.  So step 2, on this journey of a healing heart?

Let someone else in.

Let’s be honest, intimacy scares the living daylights out of us.  We have absolutely no problem imagining intimacy.  We have absolutely no problem with sex, but tell me that I actually have to be vulnerable with somebody on purpose, without sex being an obvious response to that vulnerability, and you’ll scare me.  It is just not a comfortable situation.  It’s one we don’t want to think about, and one we will avoid at all costs.

But accountability is so important because it puts us in a place to own our sin, own the consequences and own the growth.

Beyond that, accountability helps you see the truth more clearly.  Your vision is flawed and you may be 100% convinced that nobody cares about your drama.  What happens when you find someone who does care?  You become 5% suspicious that your vision is flawed and 95% convinced that nobody cares.  As that person continues to care, you realize that your vision was completely flawed and that people do care.  Accountability gives another person the opportunity to be tangible grace. 

But it might not be accountability, per se.  Maybe we just need to practice honesty– period.

The biggest periods of growth in my own journey were marked by honesty.  The first was asking for accountability; the second has been simply being honest about my story and letting people in.  Your own growth will be marked the same.  Things grow in the light and open air, not in the darkness.  Honesty will be a crucial ingredient to your growth. 

When I am honest in accountability, I am opening up myself for correction and growth.  When I am honest in relationships, I am allowing God to work however He wishes. 

Sometimes honesty leads to Him growing me, other times it leads to Him growing others.  Regardless, it always points to grace.