So many times, we are guilty of knowing God’s will, hearing His call and then saying, “Oh, that sounds like a great plan, but sorry, I think you have the wrong person.”
My absolute favorite Bible character of all time is Moses. Maybe it’s because I identify with his insecurities. Have you ever thought of this reality: The deliverer of Israel was a murderer.
We miss that part sometimes. We get all wrapped up in the plagues, and the wilderness wanderings, and the red sea, and Mount Sinai, and the ten commandments, and the list goes on. We get wrapped up in the Christian feel-goodiness that comes from stories of God’s provision and interaction. We forget that when God called Moses, Moses had been hiding out after fleeing the Pharaoh because he was guilty of murder.
How’s that for a story?
Within months of coming to know Christ, I had my epic confrontation in the dean’s office. As I sat across from her and listened as she told me I couldn’t possibly have a porn addiction, I felt so screwed up. My conversations with God in the days afterward were very one-sided and sounded something like,
“Yes, God, I know that You say You love me anyway. I know that You have a plan for my life. I know that You want to rescue me from this, but I think You made a mistake here. Apparently, I am beyond saving, so while I really appreciate the offer, I think You have the wrong girl. Thanks for the vote of confidence, though; it was nice while it lasted.”
It took me a year or two to get out of that funk, to come to grips with the reality that, yes, God did want to save me from this and that He was more than capable. I had my own little journey through the wilderness trying to find the promised land of Grace.
And here’s the truth. God doesn’t make mistakes. God doesn’t pick the wrong people. Beyond that, He is bigger than our own mistakes.
In the years since firing up Beggar’s Daughter, I’ve had a lot of arguments about why I am the absolute 100% wrong person for this job. I have come to Him with my objections and my lists, and every time, He has patiently quieted every concern and reminded me that He is God-
He is incapable of screwing up.
Even this past week, He has brought opportunities into my life to remind me that He is still working on me. Last Thursday, as I sat across from two different pregnancy center clients, I got to share that story with them- the story that they hadn’t fallen too far, that they weren’t beyond His power, that He was able– more than able.
Sunday morning, I sat across from a woman at church as we discussed topics of vulnerability and brokenness (yes, topics I just finished wrestling with), and it filled my heart with such joy. Not because I am some expert who has all the answers (definitely not) but because it was proof of His grace and His power and His ability to be glorified even in our weakness.
Maybe you’re a woman who feels called to do something for God– be a missionary, teach Sunday School, do something “ministry” for God and you feel that because of your past failures, you are completely incapable. Take heart in knowing that God knows you and He knows you are incapable. He knows what you’ve done, and if He calls you to do anything it isn’t because He thinks you are perfect, but because He knows more than you what impact He can make through your life.